there aren't worse things then fangirls inthe deep
by fireweilder
Summary: What if instead of Orcs attacking in moria, they were more feared....FANGIRLS! By the way, the full title is, 'There aren't worst things then Fangirls in the deep places of the world'.
1. oh crap!

Disclaimer: I own nothing…do I really have to say that?

Notes: Picture Mines of Moria before the Orcs attack. 

Dedication: to all the fangirls who have devoted them selves to the sexiness of Legolas Greenleaf.

****

There aren't worst things then Fangirls in the deep places of the earth.

Fireweilder

" "Here lies Balin son of Fundin, Lord of Moria.' He is dead then, I feared it was so." Said Gandalf, straightening up from over Balin's tomb.

Next to his grave, there lay a random book. It was decorated with pink flowers and all the entries were written in glittery pink pen. The cover was decorated with pictures of Legolas, Aragorn and Frodo. However, the fellowship, being stupid but sexy, didn't connect them with the people in the fellowship. 

"Here marks the account of Balin's death, so it would seem. But these pages have been disgraced from the dwarfish hand into pink glittery pen so it is very hard to read.

Only the last page can be read for it is the only page that is written in normal ink. It reads ' they have taken the gates and the hall. They swarm in great numbers now, forcing us to retreat. We have killed many in great numbers, but still they come with ax notches in their chests and heads. They have tortured some of my kin. They bleach the hair to a near white blond and clean us, but in the end they are not satisfied and so the dispose of the bodies. We roll them threw mud so they are suitable for burial. They are coming. A fouls smell of an elvish perfume rises from their stronghold. All of them clasp pictures of an elvish male whom we do no know. They are angered to find that he is not here and kill us in that anger. We can not get out. They cry a single name. Cries, cries in the deep… we cannot get out. We cannot get out. They are coming…"

Suddenly, for no apparent reason. Aragorn threw Frodo down a well. When he turned back to the aghast fellowship, he said, " What!? We can live with out him. Leave the pretty ones for bait, I say," as he glared at Legolas. 

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! MY CONTACT LENSES FELL OUT! CCCRRRRAAAAAAAAAP! "

*Thud*

The fellowship turned away as Frodo's voice echoed from bellow.

" Hello?…Is anybody there?…I'm alive but very badly burned…Hello?…Oh hi little girl. Where did you come from? Could you help me back...HEY! STOP PULLING ON MY LEG! AHHHH! WHERE DID YOU ALL COME FROM? AAAAHHHHH! NNNNOOOOOOO!"

Frodo…Frodo…Frodo chanted a unison voice of thousands of girls, raising from the deeps. Frodo's cries had been silenced

"They are coming! We cannot get out!" shouted Legolas.


	2. oh bloody crap

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!!! Though I do own this reeeeally old laptop that I am writing on…it doesn't have spell check so be nice

There aren't worst things then fangirls in the deep places of the world

Fireweilder

"Slam the doors and wedge them!" cried Aragorn to he others, who stood fixed on the raising voices, chanting 

"…Legolas, Aragorn, but mostly Legolas, Legolas…"

Suddenly, the doors were forced open by the pushing of many hands. Gandalf tried with all his power to close them again, but he was too taken back by what he saw to react quickly enough. Standing in the doorway, were thousands upon thousand of beings, all dressed in lavish hot pink and all blond haired. (Sorry if you aren't blond or hate the color pink, but it adds to the story no?) They all clutched rolled up pictures of the same elvish man, clad in green and browns and blond hair. The girls shouted, kissed their pictures, because they were sad that they would soon be dirtied. That meant that they would have to spend thirty hours on the ONE computer downloading and printing their pictures all over again. 

Immediately, they all jumped on Legolas, Aragorn and the other Hobbits. Legolas and Aragorn shot ten each before they even touched the ground. Merry, Pippin and Sam drew their knives and slashed and slew many that tried to carry them off. Soon, the room was emptied for the moment of approaching fangirls, so the fellowship examined the dead bodies. Sam had gotten a paper cut across his forehead, but upon examining it, Aragorn said, "You are lucky Sam. The cut is not infected with nail polish like so many usually are. Others have gotten much more grievous wounds for slaying their first fangirl."

" Quick, run to…" Gandalf began, but was quickly interrupted by the return of the rampant fangirls. This time they had however brought a pet with them. They called her Minka, for she was one of the strongest and most in love with elvish creatures. Minka was a troll of unusual height that was caught and abused by the fangirls since she wasn't very pretty lookin'. She was ordered to carry off with as many of the Fellowship as she could. So she lunged toward where Aragorn and Merry stood trapped in a corner. But she felt an arrow pierce her back and turned to who had shot it. As Minka laid eyes on the tall elf standing before her, she was so entranced that she let Aragorn and Merry shuffle aside from the corner. 

"Legolas!" yelled Minka, though to the Fellowship, it sounded like "Let go lass". Upon hearing this Legolas though he was being dissed, so he fired another two arrows in Minka's head. Hurt with the rejection of Legolas, she ran away crying to get more support.

"Now, run to the bridge of Khazad-Dum," yelled Gandalf, feeling utterly rejected. So the fellowship ran through the halls of stone and down to the bridge. All the fellowship saw the swarms of Fangirls screaming and chanting wildly behind them. However, known only to the keen ears of Legolas, he noticed a change in their wild chanting. The words had changed from "Legolas" to "Elfcaller", "Sexiness" and "Mary". He heard many more, but he tried not to notice them. 

Still the Fellowship raced on through Moria. The heat of the cavern had become nearly unbearable. Before they reached the bridge, Legolas and Aragorn turned back to fire long bows into the Fangirls only to find that they were now encircling the area around the bridge and no longer chasing them. They now fired arrows back to the fellowship. They were of Fangirls style, so if struck, a note written in the same pink glittery pen would be impaled to the body. It would smell of a sweet sent and talk about undying love that the bearer would be forced to read forever. Noticeably none of these letters were aimed for Gandalf or Gimli.

As Legolas was examining the reason to this strange behavior, the fangirls stop shooting and talking. Looking toward the entrance of the bridge, his fear became apparent. 

" What is this new devilry?" asked Aragorn to the Elf who stood behind him.

"Shut up and run for the sake of our sexy asses!" yelled Legolas, running back toward the bridge.

Anyway, the next chapter will have the Balrog and the "end". If I get anymore ideas for what should happen after they meet the Balrog, I am so open to them. ENJOY! 


	3. a whole lot of crap

Disclaimer: I own nothing having anything to do with Lord of the Rings…You don't say!

Notes: I am yielding to the ideas of my reviewers and fashioning the Balrog after…well, you'll see. I also still don't have spell check!

There aren't worst things then FANGIRLS in the deep places of the world

Fireweilder

"Um, last time I checked I was the only one with a sexy ass, buddy." Said Aragorn, turning toward Legolas. However, by doing this, he ignored Legolas' warning to run.

"Oh my dear lord of all that is good and pure in this world! It can't be!" cried Aragorn as he turned back around.

Gasp said Merry

Gasp said Pippin

Gasp said Sam

Gasp said Frodo

Gasp said Gimli

Gasp said Boromir

"For god's sake people! Get over it!" yelled Legolas, proceeding to zip back up his pants.

"What is it Gandalf?" asked Frodo

"Um…"

"No, I don't mean THAT," said Frodo, looking back to Legolas, "I mean the big fiery beast in front of you."

"A Balrog" whispered Gandalf

"Hey! Wait a second here! That don't look like no Balrog, Gandalf. Actually it looks a lot like…"

"Ack! Its Mary!"

"No, it's Sue!"

"Even worse, Its Mary- Sue!"

"CRAP!"

With that, all the Fellowship proceeded to run like sissies with their hair on fire, through the halls of Moria. 

However, once the rest of the Fellowship was across the bridge, Gandalf decided to be all noble and save them all. 

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" cried Gandalf to Mary-Sue.

"Hey wait a second! You're not hot!" yelled Mary- Sue. Looking over his shoulder however, she saw Legolas, Aragorn and Frodo. "But according to all the 'Lord of the Rings' fanfictions created about those three and me, I'll capture them. YOU'RE ALL HOT, SO YOU SHALL ALL COME WITH ME!" 

With that, Mary- Sue knocked Gandalf off the bridge and ran towards the Fellowship. The rabid fangirls started to close in on them. All of the fellowship fell into despair as they thought about spending the rest of their lives in the clutches of the FANGIRLS. 

Only Legolas looked hopeful. Hell, he was immortal and he was not going to spend the rest of his god- damned life with these crazy people! So as Mary- Sue came bearing on him, he did the only thing he could. 

"I DON'T LOVE YOU! I HATE YOU ALL! LEAVE ME ALONE! AAAHHHHHHHH!" he cried to Mary- Sue.

Upon hearing this, all the fangirls killed themselves in terror of being denied by Legolas. The rest of the fellowship was catching on to Legolas' game, started to yell similar things. 

"YOU ALL SHOULD GET LIVES!" yelled Frodo

"YOU ALL SHOULD GET BOY FRIENDS!" yelled Sam

"YOU ALL SMELL LIKE GIMLI!" yelled Legolas

"YOU ALL SMELL LIKE…HEY!" yelled Gimli

With that, all the FANGIRLS were destroyed. All but Mary- Sue remained. She stood there with a blank face. This was the first time in all her existence she had been denied. She wouldn't stand for it! With no warning, she lunged at Legolas, with her whip raised. But Legolas was too quick on his nimble sexy little feet and swiftly moved aside. Mary- Sue tripped over her feet and fell into the Deep, following Gandalf.

The fellowship stood there amazed at what had just happened. Legolas stood before them with his bow strung, aiming to the falling Mary- Sue below. He had planned on destroying her once and for all. He would end the mass terror spread by the infamous Mary- Sue. She HAD to be destroyed. 

Suddenly, Mary- Sue came back into view, flapping her giant wings. 

"Hey, hey, hey, nice try baby, but you don't have wings!" said Boromir, stepping forward.

"Ya, that's what I always heard" added Merry

"No no, you fools. Traditionally, the 'Balrog' or in this case, 'Mary- Sue', had wings. Go read page 322 of 'Fellowship of the Ring'!" retorted Frodo. Behind him, Legolas was nodding in agreement.

Magically, all the rest of the fellowship pulled out fresh copies of 'Fellowship of the Ring' and flipped through the page. Unknown to all, Mary- Sue started to read over Legolas' shoulder.

"See! I do have wings!" Mary- Sue yelled, scaring Legolas out of his pants, "read right here. It says '…suddenly it drew itself up to a great height, and its vast wings were spread from wall to wall;' That mans I have wings and I am capable of flying off with Legolas and Aragorn and Frodo! So there!"

"Nice try. Look above that!" cried Pippin, coming out from the shadows and scaring everyone again. This was the first time Pippin had said anything not concerning food. "It says, '…the shadow about it reached out like two vast wings.' So you really don't have wings. Your shadow is just LIKE wings. So put Legolas down."

For over hundreds of years they stood there debating if 'Mary- Sue' or a 'Balrog' had wings or not. And you know what's scary? It's still being debated;)

THE END

If you all want me to continue, I need ideas. Please R but if you wanna you can R. Have a nice day and I hope I made you all laugh a little bit.

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	4. note to readers

Due to stupidity and laziness, the last two chapters are completely blank. So you can stop reading now.

Thankyou


	5. 

Due to stupidity and laziness, the last two chapters are completely blank. So you can stop reading now.

Stop reading this!

Thankyou


	6. 

Due to stupidity and laziness, the last two chapters are completely blank. So you can stop reading now.

Stop reading this!

Thankyou


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